adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
