If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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