:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
