Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
