I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize