You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
zippers are such a cool invention
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
