we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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