Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
