please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
