Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize