and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
