she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
