that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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