dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
