My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
