On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
