He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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