You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
