i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
