he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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