I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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