I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
