At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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