I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
