White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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