He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
