fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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