I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
