you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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