oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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