when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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