I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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