OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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