I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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