i just sent this text using only my big toe
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
