i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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