Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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