how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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