Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
