She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
