I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
