I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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