This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize