I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
