The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
