i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
