fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
