you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
