He kissed a someone with a penis
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
