You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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