i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
