were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My feet surprised me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize