Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
