i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
