I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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