dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
