You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
