wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
