There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
