I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
