you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
