I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
