I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
