if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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