That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize