When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
