SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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