i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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