The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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